Why are people such assholes about ADHD/ADD? Seriously. It makes me upset and angry when people judge me. Hell, people don't just judge me, they judge EVERY parent. Of course, when you have your first child, you get used to people (usually family members, but often complete strangers) telling you what you should or shouldn't do with your kid. It ranges from things like breastfeeding, or what kind of diapers, to childcare, toys, and media exposure. Don't get me wrong - I have offered what I see as friendly and helpful advice when ASKED, and I am sure there are plenty of people who don't appreciate what I have to say, but when it comes to the diagnosis and treatment of ADHD, people are assholes.
Okay a disclaimer, before I had kids I was sure ADHD was a myth. That it was really lazy people who didn't parent and just drugged their kids into being a zombie because it was easier. I swore my kids would NEVER have that problem. Guess what? I was wrong. So on a regular basis I hear my two favorite comments: 1. ADHD/ADD isn't "real" and 2. There are better ways to treat it then medication. Usually these two things are said by people who have NO KIDS and NO experience with ADHD.
Let me explain my situation, and perhaps you can stop judging me. It all starts with my husband (Emmett's story will come in a few days, hopefully). Kevin, my husband, was diagnosed with ADD -Attention Deficit Disorder (no hyperactivity) when he was 30. I had become aware that ADD is common in adults (not something kids grow out of) a few years before I insisted Kevin go get tested. He would do the usual annoying stuff - stuff that I didn't even realize were symptoms of ADD. He would start a project (more likely eight) and never finish them. He would say whatever popped into his mind without thinking whether or not it was appropriate. He would be impulsive - money, trips, life-changing decisions -nothing was off limits to his whims. And, strangely enough, when we were young these were all things I loved about him. He didn't seem to care what people thought - he was lively and entertaining - but this also meant he was unfocused and "immature" about most things adults care about. As we had our first child, and then our second, I really needed the adult Kevin to be present to help manage our lives. He went to his doctor, and they recommended a psychiatrist. Of course, Kevin met with the psychiatrist who specialized in adult ADD, and they started the six month long process. There is no test, not a blood test or brain scan, that can diagnose ADD. Basically, there are a series of memory based activities that must be performed with distraction (normal people would tune out). There is a medical portion to rule out any other physical cause of the symptoms. The doctor looks for 8-10 behaviors that are DETRIMENTAL to everyday functioning. There are about 25 behaviors listed and some are really normal things that most of us do - like multitasking - the difference is most of use can control these things (like being distracted) when we need to get things that are important done. The conclusion was ADD - the doctor actually encouraged Kevin to get treatment and retry some of the things he had failed at in the past. The idea is that once medicated Kevin could perform better on tests, or activities that take sustained effort. Suddenly, so many things Kevin struggled with in life made sense. He realized he wasn't lazy, stupid, or immature - his brain just functioned a little differently.
With Kevin's diagnosis, I did my normal thing, and started doing a ton of research to try to understand what ADD was, why it happened, and how people who have it function. Together, Kevin and I, learned a ton of things about his "problem" and did a ton of research to see how to "treat" it.
Many people who do amazing things and hold amazing jobs have ADD (even if they don't know it). People with ADD need excitement, need to feel challenged and in-control -basically they get bored very easily by things that they don't find interesting (don't we all, you say?). They need to do things physically (most of the time). They have short-term memory issues, get easily distracted, lack impulse control or a filter to help with social norms for what to say and do. Kevin had all of these "symptoms," but there are some positives to ADD. People whose brain function this way crave stimulation. If there was something Kevin was really interested in, he could focus (hyper-focus) for HOURS. He could tune out everything around him and really pay attention to what he was doing, but if you interrupted him, he wouldn't be able to go back to the task. This meant that fun stuff could be REALLY fun with him. This made him an excellent dad since what kid doesn't like fun? The day-to-day boring stuff just doesn't stimulate the ADD brain. Not that it particularly stimulates my brain, but I can understand that this stuff has to be done and won't work itself out; plus, I could get some satisfaction from completing these tasks and feeling accomplished. Those things just don't happen in Kevin's brain - unless it is something exciting, and let's be honest household chores and management are NOT exciting.
So, ADD has positive things about it, but in our pretty boring and mundane society, we can't really appreciate these things.One of the main problems with ADD is thinking that it is a problem. It is only a problem if society as a whole sees it as one.I do not think ADD is a problem; I do recognize that it makes it difficult for people that have it to fit in and participate in pretty boring everyday activities. Their brains need excitement and interest. Most jobs and school are neither exciting nor interesting. While I would love for the world to change to accommodate activities that interest the ADD brain, I know it isn't going to happen.
So, the next question is how do you get someone with ADD to fit in with society's expectations? People will tell you all kinds of things: diet, neuro-feedback, behavior modification, medication, and too many more to list. Some people swear by these things, and the treatment (or no treatment) is a personal decision. We started with behavior modification - this means lots of lists, visual reminders (like putting keys and sunglasses where they can be seen), sticky notes (on doors, steering wheels, bathroom mirrors), routines, and I am not talking about for Emmett. Yes, these things helped, but Kevin would still get so distracted he and I were both going crazy. We opted for medication. Does that mean his symptoms are gone? Nope. Does it mean we don't have to do all of the environmental changes I just mentioned? Nope. It simply means if he can remember to take his medication on time, four times a day, he can almost function like someone without ADD. The environmental modifications help even more. In the last five years, things have really been better. As our life has gotten more complicated (read more children and activities), I have found I can count on Kevin to pull his weight when he is medicating correctly. He feels better about himself and his ability to manage our life together.
Now, it is one thing to let a grown man make the decision to medicate or not, but it is a different matter when parents have to make that decision for their child. That chapter - Emmett's story - will come next.
It is estimated that 5 million adults have undiagnosed ADD. If you would like more information regarding this very REAL medical issue check out this amazing website http://www.chaddnorcal.org/
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