Oh, you cleaned your house!

I know I am not alone in feeling guilty about my dirty house. The truth is I could care less what shape the house is in as long as there is not a smell, things growing, or living things I haven't invited, but society and my family as a whole make me feel like a messy house is a travesty. There is no panic like the panic I feel when someone I wasn't expecting rings the doorbell, or you get a phone call saying someone is twenty minutes away.

We all go into full-fledged cleaning mode. We stuff dirty clothes in baskets, sweep garbage into piles and toss toys into the nearest closet. When that unexpected guest walks in the door, we hope they think our house always looks this tidy. I doubt we are fooling anyone. I do believe there are people who are control freaks and keep their houses in impeccable shape at all times, but I think they are in the minority. I am willing to bet that most people live like we do, or maybe even worse. At least that is what I am telling myself at this moment.

I could give you the excuses that I use: I have three kids and multiple animals; my husband and I both work; my kids are insane and could care less about helping to clean up the house; I am too busy, tired, etc to keep up with it. The problem with any of these "reasons" is that the only real reason I give excuses is because people make me feel bad if my house isn't spotless at all times.

My family is EXTREMELY judgmental. I do have a few close friends/family that have seen my house in its natural state and don't mind or comment, but to the rest of the family, I am constantly defending myself about the state of my house. Now, they make me feel like I am a hoarder, that my house is the worst thing they have ever seen, that I am a terrible mother because the house isn't picked up and scrubbed clean.

Here are the scenarios and comments I get: My father walks in for my son's birthday party, and the first thing he says is "oh, you cleaned your house." My grandmother tells me that she doesn't remember her "house ever being that dirty and I had three kids too." My aunt brings her friend over to show off the remodel we did on the house (without giving me advance notice) and says, "oh don't worry her daughter had five kids, so she is used to the house being a mess, but it couldn't hurt to pick up once in a while." I could go on and on. The constant conversation in my life is the state of my house.

I do pick up almost every day (I have to or we couldn't get INTO the house)- I clean and scrub (kitchen, bathroom, floors) at least once a week. I do a load or two of laundry everyday to try to keep up. I keep threatening not to do anything for a whole month, so they can see what a dirty house really looks like. Instead, I am here today to free myself of this guilt.

I am going to show you what my house looks like on a regular day. Certainly this is not the messiest, and it isn't the cleanest, but it is what you could expect if you dropped in. I don't think it is THAT bad, but feel free to tell me if I am crazy and my family is right. Or, you could reassure me that I am not alone - that your house is just as bad. So here it is (I am trying not to change my mind about this!):

This is the backdoor entry, which we use as a front door, so everything gets dropped here.

Play area. Need I say more?

The living room also gets its fair share of stuff dropped - probably because of the proximity to the play area and kitchen.

While lots of counter space and an island are nice for entertaining, they become a magnet for stuff. My never ending battle is keeping it cleared off. This is actually a cleaner kitchen then normal - there are no dishes in the sink!

My bedroom - the bed is never made unless people are coming over, and my husband's clothes (clean or dirty) are never put away.

There are a few pics missing - the kids' rooms, which are usually clean because they are too busy destroying the rest of the house. The tiny corner of the living room that contains my office is also missing. No bathroom pics either because you can imagine the pile of clothes and towels on the floor, and I have had enough public shame.

I had a housekeeper for five years who came every other week and did the heavy cleaning, but my house still looked like this between visits, and I felt like a spoiled snob when I confessed I hired someone to clean my house. Unfortunately, my value as a woman, wife, and mother are all tied to how often I scrub my toilet. I wish I could still afford the housekeeper now, but it still wouldn't stop the obnoxious comments or my self hate. 

Seriously, I think after I hit publish on this blog post, I might feel better. Perhaps the next time the judgmental people comment I am going to ask them for $100, so I can hire a housekeeper. Or, I could just ignore them and say I have nothing to hide. Then, we can get over trying to fool people about how perfect we keep our houses and enjoy living - playing with my kids and having hobbies again -  instead of cleaning.