Bribery doesn't work.

My kids are pigs. I am sure most kids are pigs, really. If you have any hints on how to train kids or make the act like robots and not be pigs, please leave a comment explaining what I am doing wrong.

I have read a ton about parenting, child development; I have even taken some child development classes. Everything I have ever learned tells me that punishment doesn't work. I agree with this. Supposedly, "positive reinforcement" does. I don't believe that either.

I do believe that some parents get their kids to be OCD neat freaks --perhaps by not letting them have any fun at all? - but I am not one of those. It isn't serious cleaning I ask them to do; just picking up the daily messes that they make.

I have tried a thousand different things:

• allowance (bribery)
• no allowance
• earn money for each chore
• earn "behavior bucks" - yes, I made my own money and we have prize baskets
• making it a game
• five minute clean-ups
• punch cards (thanks Cherri - the latest attempt)
• loss of privileges
• making them pay me to do it
• not letting them do anything else until it is done

In case, you haven't figured it out, none of these work for very long.

Emmett just drops everything where he is. He throws the trash and his clothes on the ground. He empties his drawers when looking for clothes or shoes to wear. He shares a room with Ellis, so I get in there and pick everything up most of the time. We started the punch cards - Emmett will do chores sometimes, but refuses punches or rewards (punishing me, right?), but most of the time he will just run to his room and go to bed when it is time to clean up.

Ellis, even at three, is more willing to pick up then his brothers. He actually says, "oh no! mess" and tries to help. I have hope for him, but the other two were like this at his age, too, until they realized they didn't HAVE to do it. 

Sometimes the five minute clean-up will work. As long as I stick to the rule "no other chores today" if they participate. That is hard, but I am usually grateful for the five minutes of work they do.
One of the reasons rewards don't work is that the kids know we will give them money and take them places regardless. We try really hard to not "give" them stuff, but we fall into this new-age trap of wanting to make them happy.

Ethan usually will do the basics: feed and water the animals (which is a lot), and empty the dishwasher, but he ALWAYS needs to be reminded (read: nag) to do it. However, Ethan's room is always a disgusting mess. I came to the conclusion last year that it isn't my room. If he wants to live that way he can - until it smells or things start growing, so about once a month I insist he clean it. My last brilliant idea was to give him  the deadline of the weekend to get it done, then he would pay me $10 an hour to do it - if he didn't finish it in time. Of course, he waited until Sunday afternoon. He cleaned most of it, and then came out and said to me, "I think what is left should take you about 30 minutes, so I am willing to pay you the $5 to finish it up, mom."

Shit. He won. For some reason I think they are all playing me, and I am losing.

My grandma's solution: beat them. Literally.