When we first decided to have kids, Kevin and I sat down and discussed the basics of how we wanted to parent. We agreed we would never hit or spank our kids. We would try to be kind and understanding. We would set limitations and rules about TV, video games, music, toys, etc.
With our first child, those rules were easy. Only age-appropriate media, no toys of violence, etc. We wanted to encourage our kids to play with all toys - this meant our sons would have dolls and a kitchen - and we would limit the number of toys that encouraged violence: no guns, knives, swords. I know some of you are freaking out at this - I mean how will a boy be a "boy" without these things. Honestly, I just knew that those toys would lead to someone getting hurt. I was pretty strict about this rule, even though every single family member bought these toys just to annoy me, I would just put them "away" and the kids never missed them.
This rule, however, became a problem when Emmett turned about four. You see all of his friends and cousins were allowed to play with those weapons - and Emmett in particular LOVED them. He would make his own weapons out of anything he could find. Lego guns? Check. Chicken strip swords? Yup. Sling shots out of sticks? Sure. He is just a violent kid by nature. No matter how much I explained that he was hurting his friends and brother with those "toys," he didn't care. In fact, he took great pleasure in bullying others with his created weapons. I was losing this battle.
Finally, Emmett begged, borrowed, and saved enough money for a toy trip to Toys 'r' Us for his birthday. All that kid wanted was a giant Nerf gun. Not the normal small one, but an automatic rifle that shoots 50 foam darts at a time.
We tried to persuade him, we reminded him of our no weapon rules, we tried to distract him with other really cool toys (giant action figures), but we could not be convinced. I knew what he was thinking: of all the havoc we could wreck on everyone in the house. So, Kevin and I made a decision to let him buy it. We reasoned that the foam darts would be safer then any weapon he created at home (have you ever been hit with legos? They really hurt).
We let him buy this giant gun. He even bought 200 replacement darts, and we insisted on a target. We set some ground rules: No shooting people or animals without their permission, never shoot in the face, no shooting mom and dad's stuff - the target or things outside were fine.
We thought this would work (okay, we were hoping). Worst decision ever. It didn't last five minutes before he had shot both his brothers in the face. Kevin's idea was to even the playing field - so he went and bought Ethan the same gun. So apparently the parenting solution was to let them all shoot each other until everyone was hurt and crying.
The guns ended up in a timeout - I couldn't handle all the whining, crying, and tattling about who shot who in the face. It is our constant battle - I get talked into giving them back and all hell erupts.
Perhaps I should have just bought them all knives, crossbows, sling shots, and staged our own hunger games in the backyard. At least then I wouldn't have to regret that I didn't stick to my own parenting rules. *Sigh* Did I mention that I really wanted girls?
Really, you wanted girls? You seem like such a natural "boy" mom. That surprises me.
ReplyDeleteI think I wanted girls because I come from an all boy family. I only had a brother and EVERY cousin my age was a boy. I was a tomboy growing up, but when I got pregnant, I really thought it would be nice to have a girl. Of course, I now realize having three boys was a blessing because I "get" them. Plus, I am really not a pink tutu kind of girl. I still don't like the toys of violence though.
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