The doctor has a key...how not to talk to your kids about sex.

Deciding at what age to have the sex talk with their kids is a tough decision all parents must face (okay, maybe not - I suppose some never have that talk).

I am a believer that you shouldn't lie to kids about sex, but you should provide age appropriate info. The sex talk is easier to avoid if you are never pregnant when your kids are old enough to have questions, but I was never that lucky. It also is hard if your kids are curious and smart.

My first encounter with this issue was when Ethan was three. I was very pregnant with Emmett, and Ethan naturally wanted to know how the baby was going to come out. He asked Kevin, and Kevin's brilliant response was "the doctor has a key and will unlock it." That response worked for about five minutes until Ethan said, "okay, but HOW does the baby get out of mom's belly." So I told him the truth: Mommy has a hole under her pee pee and the baby comes out of there. The brilliant response from Ethan was, "doesn't that hurt?" I told him yes, and then he wanted to know if I would be okay - I reassured him I would be fine.

When Emmett was born, Ethan came to the hospital to see us. The first thing he did was come running to me and ask if it hurt - I said yes - and he asked if I was okay, when I said I was fine - he went to see his new brother.

That wasn't so bad. Fast forward three more years. I am pregnant with Ellis. Ethan is 7 and Emmett is 3. Emmett wants to know how the baby is going to get out - and Ethan explains it to him. Hilarious. But then Ethan  looks at me and says, "So I get how the baby gets out - but how does it get IN there?" Uh oh. How do I explain this one?! I turned to him and said very matter-of-factly: mom has an egg, dad has a sperm, they come together and make a baby. Ethan says, "Oh, that makes sense, okay." Phew. Crisis adverted.

Nope. Not so fast. A year later, Ethan is eight. We are sitting in the car and he says to me, "so mom I know how a baby gets made, but I am wondering HOW does the mom's egg and the dad's sperm get together?" Oh shit. There is no avoiding this one. I tell him to ask me again when we get home, and I will explain it.

He forgets. A month later he asks the questions again. I tell Kevin that I am going to explain sex to Ethan. Kevin freaks out - but then we agree it is time. He is in fourth grade - he will know this soon enough from his friends and the internet. So, I explain puberty and sex to Ethan. I go through all of it - the technical info, the consequence of sex, etc. He is completely grossed out and swears he is never going to have sex. Then, he says, "wait you and dad do THIS? Gross!" I have never laughed so hard in my life.

I thought it went well. He seemed to take it in stride, but it was like pulling back a curtain. Over the next few weeks he would be singing a song he had sung a thousand times - then stop mid-lyric and ask me if this song was really about sex. He started noticing sex was everywhere. In fact, at one point he said to me, "Mom, why is everything about sex? What is wrong with grown ups?"

I didn't have an answer for him.

Guess I shouldn't sing FloRida's new song "Blow my Whistle" around him. Somethings kids just aren't ready to know about ;)